#THEY'RE CATEGORIZED AS CREATURES...

[astralleywright]

always have to take a 10 minute break at the start of the Deathwish run to fantasize about casting Haste on a crawler

[starry-bi-sky]

bruce and danny being fuckign nerds together,,,, they are being the BIGGEST nerds. geeks. if you will

these losers are color-coding the most inane bullshit. they are making diagrams for things you've never even thought of. they are having the time of their lives

"what are you two doing?"

Danny, sitting criss-cross on a table, hunched over a spread of papers and a bunch of different jello cups, his back is gonna hurt SO much: color-coding jello

Bruce, sitting in a nearby chair, also criss-cross, scribbling on a graph paper: hm [agreeing]

Alfred, already exasperated and SO fond: may i ask why? and on what parameters?

Danny: we're basing it off which flavors are the most mentally stimulating and for which subjects :}

Alfred, SO fond: ah. i see.

Danny, snapping his head over to Bruce and leaning over: wh- no-- no. Buzz, I told you: lemon-flavored jello stays strictly in the 'smelling salts' category--

Bruce, still writing on the graph paper: mn. no.

Danny, nearly sprawled across his back, faux-outraged: strawberry is NOT good for math-- you fucken HEATHEN--! Give me that pen!

Bruce, did that solely to rile up Danny, now trying not to smile: hnm.

[tanadrin]

So one of the things that can apparently contribute to kidney issues in cats is if they eat too much dry food and don't drink enough water; cats are adapted to get a lot of their water from their food since they're originally desert animals, and might not get enough water if they don't eat wet food. Unfortunately, Dozy won't eat wet food no matter what; she categorically refuses to touch the stuff. So a few months ago, we were looking for ways to get Dozy more fluids, and my wife noticed at the pet store a cat drink--basically meat broth with some floaty bits in--that was low-protein and meant for cats with kidney issues. So we figured, worth a try, right?

Great news: she loved it. Super tasty apparently. Great success. Along with the kidney-sensitive treats we found, it was a nice way to supplement her diet. Unforseen long-term consequence though: she loved it so much she began demanding it throughout the day. Like, would come up to us and meow, and meow, and meow, and not stop, until we got up, went to the kitchen, and got her some cat drink.

And by doing so on demand, we have unfortunately created a monster: no matter what we are doing at home, Dozy knows that if she sits next to you and meows, 1) you know what she wants, and 2) you know that she will not stop until you get it for her now. And when you do get it, she gets extremely excited. She will bum rush the kitchen door as you enter. She will run around your feet as you open the can. She will let out the creakiest, crunchiest, most nails-on-the-chalkboard meow you've ever heard if she thinks you're not going fast enough.

I do not begrudge her this. It is gratifying to care for a creature whose most ardent desires are so simple that it is this easy to fulfill them. But I am a little sad, because I know in my heart that I have never loved any comestible as much as she loves this cat drink. She has a pleasure of a purity and intensity that I will never know.

[the creacher in question]

[outdraws]

adding emphasis on bigby's development from chaotic evil to lawful neutral.

[but-a-humble-goon]

I think the Daleks are one of the best representations of fascist ideology and the failing thereof. Mainly in that they're really pathetic more than anything. They're sad little creatures locked safely away from the world inside their shells and desensitised to everything but hate. They could never build a real culture of their own yet they are utterly and dogmatically convinced of their own superiority. They are an entire civilisation built solely to destroy and categorically incapable of anything else (literally. Their design is comically inefficient). The single smartest Dalek who ever lived ran the numbers and came to the inescapable conclusion that their species is doomed to failure and the only way for them to survive is to rethink their ways... so they killed him.

[genderqueerdykes]

i've been noticing a lot of people doing this thing lately:

a woman: does 1 thing 1 time

people: wow women must really love this thing. all women must do this thing, too. so that's what women like.

it's disturbing how many people look at women like we're lab experiments, or like we're animals they're learning about at the zoo, or like they're seeing us on national geographic for the first time. it's disturbing how cisheteronormative patriarchy teaches us that women are these strange creatures who are nothing like and can never be anything like men. it's disturbing how women are seen as "so different they might as well be another species". it's disturbing how we categorize behaviors, activities and hobbies into man and woman categories, then use these categories to judge and profile strangers.

it reminds me of when i worked in the jewelry department at walmart, and i would get tons of guys asking me "you're a girl, what do girls like?" and "you're a woman, you would know what my girlfriend would want". we genuinely allow each other to think this way. we allow each other to label women as an entirely separate species that we have to gawk at in bewilderment because they're just so "different" and "confusing". instead of assuming things, maybe if you just took the time to talk to women in a non-assumptive, non-condescending manner, you'd understand that we're a diverse group, and you wouldn't be shocked when women do normal everyday things like have hobbies and interests.

women aren't some alien creature or wild animal. can we stop normalizing and enabling this behavior?

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Gummy Worm

Debut: Real Life

Usually, on a Friday, we would have a post about something not from Mario, but from a game nonetheless. But I've been thinking about gummy worms. And I want to talk about gummy worms. And I can do whatever I want!

Gummy worms are a wonderful, wonderful creature! A bit difficult to categorize, from a creature standpoint. They are inanimate objects, but based on creatures, giving them immediate creature character. They're not fictional creatures, since they're real! They exist in our realm alongside us. Quite a puzzle, isn't it? (it isn't)

Gummy worms are thought to have originated as Trolli's Squiggles, which still exist today! It's unclear WHEN exactly they were created, but they were brought over to the United States from Europe in 1981 (worms of all kinds love to be introduced to the United States from Europe), gaining notoriety after being featured in Ghostbusters. Americans only just found out about these things, and they were already charmed to the point of putting them in a feature film. That's how delightful these things are!

Of course, I have my own ideas. How strange that we don't exactly know when gummy worms were created. Almost as if they weren't created. Almost as if they slithered through a portal out of the Candy Dimension, where everything is made of candy, of course. There, gummy worms naturally burrow through soil made of crushed cookie bits. Yes, they poop out nutrient-rich cookie crumbs that help jelly beans and other candy plants to grow extra healthily. Of course they do. What do you take me for?

I think the most ICONIC gummy worms are easily the two-toned sour ones! There we have our three iconic characters: Blue/Pink, Yellow/Red, and Green/Orange. These seem to have originated as Trolli's Sour Brite Crawlers, and by now you may have noticed that Trolli doesn't tend to actually use the term "gummy worm" in their branding! Mercifully, the term "gummy worm" remains public domain, for us to frolic around with until the end of time!

One of my favorite things about Gummy Worm is that it's a celebration of the humble Worm. Isn't it so wonderful that there's an animal that is a near-featureless tube squirming in the soil beneath us? I'm sure you've wanted to eat one before. We all have. I love you, Worm, but you win the number one most slurpable animal award. We silly humans aren't supposed to eat raw worms, though, because of disease and parasites. Skill issue, I must say. Moles eat them with aplomb! When people do eat worms, it's after cooking them, but at that point they're not wiggly and slurpable anymore... there must be a better way (it's gummy worm!)

When doing research for this post I was kind of taken aback when learning worms were chosen for the candy's shape for the "gross" factor. I genuinely forgot anyone thinks that about worms! That's just a little thingy! Barely any features to be repulsed by!

Gummy Worm is basically the perfect Thing to me. It's worm, it's sweet treat, it's whimsical, it's everything! And we don't have to be limited to the kinds that are marketed to us, because you can make your own gummy worms if you want! You can make them realistic colors! Even realistic flavors, if you know what a worm tastes like... I don't, but if you are friends with a mole, you could ask.

There are big gummy worms, which is wonderful, but it's not enough. I think these should be available as pets. A three foot long gummy worm that is sentient, loves you, and never dies. Until that happens, I am happy to live in a world where gummy worms exist, and are beloved!

[echantedtoon]

Demonstober Day 8 Oni

Oni are horned, ogre-like creatures in Japanese folklore. They have also been described as orc-like, demon-like, goblin-like, and troll-like. However, an oni is best categorized as a type of Japanese yōkai, which includes wicked otherworldly monsters, goblins, gods, ghosts, and spirits.

Tagging: @lavenderdropp @six-eyed-samurai @trancylovecraft @shadyd3ar @cherrysuzaku

@nousija

Remember if you want to be added to the spooktober taglist lemme know

Once long ago there was a very powerful shogun, and he married a beautiful woman. Together they were happy with no want for anything in their comfortable lives. Except for one thing.

A child.

Even though they tried for many years, they still went without children. One day the woman of the couple decided to take a long walk in the woods to try to forget about her troubles when she came across a mysterious healer.

"My lady, you seem quite troubled. Would you like to tell me?", the man offered.

"Why? You wouldn't even be able to help me. It's no use."

"Try me. I might surprise you."

"My husband is happy with life and we wish for nothing but a child however it seems that the gods do not seem to want to bless us with one."

"Oh. Is that all?", the healer laughed before reaching into the folds of his cloak and pulling out a small box which contained three seeds. *I have the exact solution. Take these flower seeds and plant them in your garden in a place only you'll know. One month from now on the night of the blue moon, three flowers will appear."

"What good will flowers do me?"

"They're blessed by the goddess of fertility," the man explained, "Of the three there will be three flowers. A white lotus, a red spider lily, and a black rose. If you eat the white lily you'll gain a son as pure and kind hearted as the heavens. If you eat the red spider lily you'll receive a son as fast and strong as the fiercest warrior. If you choose the black one you'll receive a son as smart as a hundred scholars! Eating any two of the three will result in twins with all the traits of both flowers!"

The woman was so pleased with her gift. It would be the solution to all her problems and she left with the seeds. However the healer gave her a grisly warning.

"These flowers are enchanted by magic no mortal body can handle so there's a limit to how much you can have without a blessing turning to a curse. Remember. You may only have up to TWO. Eating all three will have deadly consequences that even I don't know what could happen. Heed my warnings, My Lady. Or disaster will befall thee."

The woman promised to remember the warnings given to her and that night planted the seeds in a place only she knew about telling no one. A month later on the blue moon she went back out and found the three flowers the man spoke of. She had already decided to eat the lily and lotus, but at the last moment decided to eat all three. It was a blessing from the goddess of fertility after all. Nothing really bad could come from a blessing. And she wanted her children to have all the traits the flowers promised.

Against the healer's warnings, she swallowed the black rose petals right after the first two flowers. Sealing her fate by her foolish mistake.

Soon after the woman indeed fell with child. Twins. Both husband and wife were so happy and the entire countryside rejoiced with the news. Nothing truly was wrong and the woman forgot about the consequences of her actions. Until nine months later-

Her husband was called to battle, while away his wife delivered their children in the middle of the night. However the children born that night were not infants.

But horrible monsters from nightmares.

The woman screamed in fear and horror as the doctors looked on in shocked silence as the cursed infants cried out into the darkness. Both grotesque and disfigured. Monstrous and horrifying to look at.

One they say was born with horns like an oni and eight limbs like a slightly humified jurogumo. The other one was more horrible. Half it's body writhing and squirming like an upsidedown centipede and so many eyes that they were spinning in different directions at once. They cried but no one dared touch them or show them any empathy. Their own mother scrambled away and shrieked out in fear.

"Take them away!," she cried out, "Take them far away! I don't care what you do with them just take them far away and be rid of them! I'd rather have my husband think we suffered a loss than look upon these ugly things! No one shall tell him of this!"

One of the woman's most trusted servants placed the crying children in a chained basket and took them away that very same night. No one knew what became of them. They were never seen again. The maid never did return either. And the woman never told her husband what had happened. No one else who was there that night never dared repeat what they saw in fear of drawing the cursed creatures back to them.

However they say that they still roam the lands. And if you are unlucky enough, you shall be the next to run into such a horrible monster.

It was a quiet night when it happened. The birth of the fated one.

The sobs of the woman didn't even stop as she held her baby close to her crying her eyes out in sorrow despite healthy little girl in her arms. The father just sat there in silence staring at his wife and daughter.

"He can't..H-He can't!" Was all the sobbing woman could muster out between tears.

This wasn't supposed to happen. They had just a few more days and then it would've been summer. They wouldn't have had to worry about anything then. It would've been someone else's problem. Someone else's daughter to be fated to become the bride to the beast. But his child unexpectedly had been born this night in spring. If only she waited just a few more days. If only he had a son instead.

Then he wouldn't be loosing his child to the demon. 

It wasn't their fault really. The last few years of harsh drought and little rain caused hunger, famine, and most of all desperation. The many offerings and prayers to the gods seemed to be doing nothing! The local priest blessing the stubborn soil did nothing. It was still cracked, hard, and as barren as a rock. There seemed to be no hope in sight. The people were desperate loudly cursing whatever deities were responsible for this plague upon them and pleading to anyone who could hear them to end the suffering, the starving, the deaths caused by the drought. 

It was then their pleas were answered by the monster.

He showed up right out of the blue one day, as of he manifested out of the very air. He may have walked like a man, but he was a monster that would  devoir them all because of their desperation would be their destruction.

"I couldn't help but notice that you people seem to be on hard times." He hated how he smiled at them, like he was doing them a great service. "I can help you surely. All I ask is one thing in return."

He'd fertile the lands. Bring forth rain. End the suffering. All for the price of one life. He'll return in twenty years and request the hand of the first maiden to be born that spring. Without thinking about the consequences, they agreed and as mysterious as he arrived, the monster departed back into nothing.  

The creature kept his word. Rain storms came back to pour water into the ground. Soft soil nurtured new crops, and the hunger of many satiated. However the price was not forgotten. At least not by the local doctor and his wife. Now here they were staring down at the one who was going to be made to wed that monster in twenty years. Out of all the children born in the village, why must it be their child?! It wasn't fair! They never agreed to this! They had no say in it at all! But-

"W-What are we su-supposed to do?!"

"Hush woman. The others will hear you. Nobody will know about this. About her!"

"H-How? We can't just hide her! S-Someone will notice sooner or later."

"Then we'll make sure no one knows of her existence. Get up. We must make haste."

"For what?"

"We'll leave. No one will know about her if she's not here to be seen but we must go immediately. Tonight. We'll let one of the other families deal with the fate they brought upon themselves."

"Where will we go?"

"Somewhere. ANYWHERE! As long as it's far away from here."

Your parents fled in the middle of the night. Walking slowly due to your mother's condition but left either way. The small village left behind and forgotten about in return for giving their daughter the freedom she deserved. It wasn't easy to start all over in an entirely new place so far away, and they had to live on the streets for almost a year. But eventually a doctor would get clients and they were able to get a nice small home in a nice town far, far away from the dangers of demons and threats of never seeing their daughter again as you grew. 

You had a normal and happy life honestly. Going to school, exploring the nearby forest, making friends, and gaining a job at the nearby tavern once you were nineteen. Waiting tables, bringing orders, and helping to clean up at the end of the day. There was even a local man your age that took interest in you. Your parents encouraged you to accept his offers to court you, but you haven't decided if you liked him that way. 

However things were about to change. 

The winds churned and a faint storm rolled along the sky on your twentieth birthday. Exactly twenty years after the dreadful move long ago. 

The pub you worked at was alight with excitement. A group of hunters were in the middle of the large space. Laughing over the successful hunt they managed to bring in, celebrating by drinking ale and feasting. A few other patrons also were around the area minding their own business and eating away in the cozy warmth the tavern provided in the middle of the windy storm outside. You gathered up the plates from the hunters' table from their third round of food and just did your job of bringing it up to the bar to be taken away by another worker. Nothing out of the ordinary for you tonight- 

That was when the door opened up with such a loud sound that it startled everyone who was in the pub to stop talking and look over. Wind from outside swept throughout the building and made you blink from the sudden rush of air hitting your face. Candlelights flickered but thankfully didn't go out. 

Silence continued on around the gushed pubs and many of those faces turned from curious to horrified. 

A clattering tray fell to the floor from a fellow waitress's hands as she stared. Many eyes continued to stare at the thing that came in from the storm. The door slowly creaked closed again behind him allowing the wind to be closed off once more. No one moved. No one spoke. No one dare looked away.

...STEP. STEP. STEP. STEP.

His feet turned as he began walking around the massive group of men seated in front of him and towards the other side of the room. 

STEP. STEP. STEP. STEP.

Each step he took seemed to heavily echo through the bar entirely as the tallest figure they've ever seen slowly walked with heads turning to follow his movements. Walking, walking, and walking. You froze in your tracks as the tall form just slowly walked past you without a word or even looking your way or really at anyone for that matter. Going all the way to the farthest table in the far corner, silently pulling out the chair allowing the legs scraping against the floor to sound out, before he wordlessly sat down in it. Staring straight ahead at nothing. The silence was deafening with only the fire crackling in the fireplace, and the wind outside to make sound.

"I'd like a bowl of tonkotsu and onigiri with unsweetened green tea please."

His voice made you jump. It wasn't because he said it in a rude or threatening way, but because he still didn't look at anyone. Just kept staring into the void at nothing. It was incredibly eerie. In question you finally broke away from staring at him to look at your staring boss. The chef looked as stunned as the rest of everyone else in the tavern but eventually he turned to slowly walk back into the kitchen area. Maybe he had the right idea. Give the man the food and hope he leaves once he was done. 

You only turned back to watch along with everyone else as the faint sounds of food being made in the back carried on. What was the creepiest part of it was that whoever this man was, never stopped staring ahead. Didn't even move once the entire almost half hour you all were anxiously waiting for the food to be made. Like he turned to stone. Felt like eternity before the chef slowly came from the back, startling you with his footsteps. He went back to staring at the man as you slowly and shakily picked up the tray scooted towards you. It felt very heavy in your hands as you held it and slowly took step after step towards the table at the farthest corner of the building. Your very steps seemed to echo through the building itself as you approached closer and closer and closer. His eyes never looked up at you as you approached. Never moved an inch as you got close enough to place it down on the table. That's what you were gonna do. Just place it on the table and scoot it closer to him.

Until his hands reached out.

You completely froze as a hand reached out to grab the bowl of hot tonkotsu off the tray. A second hand grabbed the cup of tea next.

A third hand grabbed the small plate of rice balls. And a forth grabbed the chopsticks.

You stood still and frozen as the man finally moved. Four of his six arms reached out and grabbed the food from you while his other two remained sat neatly upon his lap. The entire time he still didn't look at you until the hot tonkotsu bowl and chopsticks were raised to his face, and finally his face reacted. Turning up to you with plum red eyes and a gently smile upon his lips.

"Thank you." 

You were too frozen in shock and slightly fear to respond..but the gentle smile on his face brought a bit of hope that no one would be harmed tonight. However you couldn't bring yourself to stare at the smile for long, too focused on the fangs between those lips and the two black horns protruding from the tops of his head and the pointed ears where two hanafuta earrings dangling from and swaying with his movements. 

Oni. 

This man..was an ONI. 

A spirit no one would dare mess with in fear of enduring it's wrath. Why on earth was there an oni in the middle of your town and in the tavern ordering food? You had no idea. Perhaps it was just passing through and got hungry. You just hoped that he wouldn't stay. Shaking you only bowed before slowly backing away a few steps as he continued to smile at you gently. Before he turned back to start quietly eating the food.

The entire time the entire plate remained silent and watchful as he ate. What felt like an eternity must've really been only maybe half an hour before his bowl and plate were emptied and the cup drank. Not wanting to offend him you tried to remain calm and polite as you approached him again and shakily began to pick up the dishes and place them back on the tray. His now smiling face stared at your work before you bowed to him again and turned to return the tray to the bar-

"I would like some momiji and daifuku with more tea please."

You paused mid step taking the tray back to the counter before whirling around wide eyed at the man who was still looking right at you with that small smile before you exchanged shocked glances with the chef. How did the Oni know that there was daifuku and momiji in the kitchen when your boss hadn't written it upon me sign behind the bar with the other food items for the day?!  After a moment your boss motioned for you to silently come over. You did and the same pattern repeated after he took away the tray. Only this time he wasn't looking into the void. Instead he just stared at you softly with a smile. 

It wasn't creepy or had you feeling anything bad though. It felt more like a customer politely waiting for service to be provided to him which technically it was since he ordered desserts, which arrived quickly and you took to him but it was so strange to be serving an oni sprit. The same thing played out. Everyone watched in silence as he ate what you served him silently as you waited to collect the dishes. You once again did again and this time when you turned-

"I'd like your name please."

Once more you paused wide eyed and turned to look at the smiling spirit staring at you... Everyone's shock reignited anew as silent looks were given to one another in question. What should you do?! He wanted what?! Your name?! Why did he want your name?! You didn't know what to do! Looking around it looked like no one else did either. Feeling your throat tighten you swallowed thickly before shakily replying.

"Y-Y/n."

"Thank you."

"What's your name?"

The words left your mouth before you could stop yourself. It surprised both yourself and the man who blinked before again smiling at you gently.

"Yoriichi."

"That's..a very nice name."

"Thank you. Yours is beautiful."

"Oh. T-Thank you."

You just turned back to get the remaining dishes to the bar as the man slowly took his time getting up, pushing in his chair, and reaching into his pockets for some yen to leave on the table and pay for his food. By the time you were done with the dishes and turned around, you found the man smiling down at you. Gosh..He was..tall.

"I'd like to walk you home please."

You were put on the spot right in front of everyone else staring at you with the man still smiling at you. He wanted to walk you home?! Why? Did he plan on robbing you?! He was an ONI spirit so was he looking to haunt you?! Your parents?!  You didn't know what to say. You wanted to say no..But would he be offended if you did? Would he become angry? What would happen if you made him angry? You didn't know what he'd do. He's..been pretty nice so far but no one did anything to make him angry. 

Deciding to bite the bullet, you gulped again before nodding. "A-Alright."

You felt like you were walking to your death sentence as everyone watched you silently make your way outside in the windy air with the spirit right behind you. The squeaky door closing behind you like a coffin lid behind closed. 

You stiffly walked your way down the street home with the wind blowing your hair back. You didn't look at him but you knew he was there. You felt his presence looming next to you and saw his many arms out of the corner of your eyes. You could run. Maybe if you were fast enough you could lose him and get home before he knew which house was yours. However you dreaded what might happen if you offended the spirit so you kept your mouth shut and walked. Maybe he was only doing this to return what polite service you gave him? You hoped so and hoped to not see him again after this. 

Five minutes of silent walking later and you felt relief full you as you came upon your front door. Hoping to end this as fast as possible, you turned to politely bow to him. "T-Thank you for walking me home."

"Your welcome. May I have your hand please?"

...You blinked. Looking up at him. "What?"

He still smiled softly at you. "May I have your hand please?"

"M-..My hand?" On instinct you clutched your hands together. Was he going to cut one of your hands off?! "I-..I d-dont think I taste good. The food at the tavern is much more tastier than I am, I promise you."

He simply chuckled.  "Not in harm." One of his hands extended out to you. "May I have your hand please?"

He wanted to...hold your hand?? Was that what he was asking? Why? What could he possibly want to do that for? You were so confused staring at him, then his still outstretched hand, then back to him. He remained unmoving other than the wind blowing his hand and earrings and clothing about. Why? His smile remained unwavering as he still smiled at you.. before you slowly looked back at his hand. Not in harm? Well at least he didn't want to hurt you. Maybe all he wanted was a grateful handshake. Either way it was better not to offend him.

"Y-Yes." 

You shakily reached out a hand until it touched his warm but calloused hands. Slowly the much larger hand closed around you before a second one came to be placed on top of yours.

"Thank you for accepting."

Accepting? You looked back up to him. "A-Accepting what?"

His only answer was to lean over and to your surprise kissed your forehead. 

"My hand..In marriage."

[glacierclear]

Disorganized rambling lore dump for Eden (sorta for my own reference, for the purpose of categorizing thoughts!)

Exploring the concept of a werewolf who doesn't know they're a werewolf and lives in constant denial, despite all the warning signs.

D&D lore seems to revolve a lot around "rejecting" or "embracing" your lycanthropy and I thought it would be interesting to conceptualize a character that rejects it so thoroughly they don't even know they have it.

Eden Glee was the youngest sibling of a strong and resourceful family. They didn't have a lot. They lived within their means, and relied on one another. Eden was playful. Mischievous. Ventured too far, took miscalculated risks, and frequently caused trouble for their family. Eden was always an unlucky child.

They met the wolf alone one night. In an attempt to free the poor creature's leg from a trap, it attacked them, marring their face and inflicting them with lycanthropy. They managed to run home, crying and telling their family that a strange dog had bit them in the woods, unaware of its true nature.

On the night of their first transformation, their family was killed.

To them, they were the sole survivor of a vicious attack, not realizing they were the true culprit.

Wherever they went, death followed. They fled to towns. Villages. Remote settlements. Every month brought new corpses. Of course, they came to the most obvious conclusion.

With motivations unknown, the beast must have followed them, bonding on the night they had met.

So, Eden chose isolation. They ventured east, building a home for themselves in the deep forests of Cormanthor. They became self-sufficient. The further they were from people, the safer everyone would be.

Time lost structure. In the years spent hiding, months intermingled, and gaps in their cognition blurred. It no longer felt odd to lose days' worth of memories. That's just how the cycle worked when you lived alone. Surely, this is just that "cabin fever" people would talk about.

Every so often, they'd stumble upon new carnage. A desecrated animal corpse. A ripped up tree trunk. The remains of unfortunate wanderers passing through the woods. All reminders that the beast still lurked. It still followed.

And it was easy to take things as they came. To dismiss changes in their body as explainable phenomena.

Staring at the moon made them uncomfortable now. The light almost itched the blood beneath their skin. But they had always preferred the daytime, anyways. The only reason they were in this mess to begin with was because they were out past dark. It made sense to grow wary. Silver burned and stung their flesh. Mama's necklace had to be sealed away in a box. But their big brother once developed a strawberry allergy when they were young. It wasn't outside of the realm of possibility that this was a similar case. They had always preferred the look of bronze, anyways. Their family would grow wolfsbane. It made excellent poisons, and they'd pick the flowers to decorate their hair, even if it numbed their hands and tingled their scalp. But now, just the sight of it horrified them, triggering an almost guttural, vicious reaction. But...grief manifested in strange places. Perhaps the reminder was too painful, even after so long.

But, worse than anything else, they just missed the world. They missed friends and laughter and warm fires shared with those they loved. The weight they shouldered was heavy, but as long as the beast still lived, they would not risk another. God, they could not lose another.

They were beyond seeking answers. The best they could do was manage the circumstance. Ward away as many as they could. Keep people out.

Maybe there was no explanation. No reason for why this happened each and every month. That was just the nature of bad luck.

And throughout the years, that had never changed.

Eden was always an unlucky child.

[pixelsilver]

F!Child Reader & Jotunn, Friendship, Growing up

Rated: G

@athena-vardos

Jotunn knew you were different from the other pups he had ran across during his travels across this frozen wasteland. A tiny ooman pup you were, one separated often from the safety of your dam. He had been scoping out your village for potential prey, he knew there were warriors that lived here. But they all seemed to have left, only females, their young, and the old remain. But he was patient. Watching your village day after day, making up names for each little ooman and their odd quirks. Each one was carefully categorized, especially the young males who were approaching maturity soon. But you had a special name. You were named Bhu'ja, Ghost.

He watched you one day run across a frozen river, only for the ice to snap and for you to fall through. You quickly disappeared under the water, immediately going into shock as the cold water surrounded you.

Normally, he would allow nature to take its course, allow you to perish. But something that day pushed him to save you, to drag you from the water despite the crackle of his invisibility cloak. He held you to keep you warm until you stopped shivering, only then he returned you to your people safely.

That was the first day you saw the Jötunn, the invisible giant and your friend.

No one believed you about your giant invisible friend. In your small nordic village, you were known to have a wild imagination. One rife with álfar and other mythical creatures. You had once sworn you saw a dreki crawling into a cave, scaring your village for a few days as smoke poured from where you said you saw the dragon.

Turns out it was a traveler waiting to warm themselves at the fire while they waited for their trade caravan to return. But this time you know he was real. You find his tracks everywhere in the village. No one notices them because they're always in the shadows. At one point you ran into the back of him while you were following his trail. He laughed when you did. Slowly but surely, Jötunn began leading you out of the village with his footprints. Into forests and the valleys beyond. There, he would show you rabbit burrows, show you how to catch those rabbits to bring home during the frozen parts of winter. He showed you where the deer hid, where the bears slept, and where the warm waters were. He showed you how to survive on your own if you ever needed to. He never showed himself to the villagers. You knew he had to be scared of them, they would be just as scared of him after all. Jötunn was big, scary, and shy. He ran whenever someone came looking for her. He was a strange fellow, but you enjoyed his company greatly. Years later the men returned from war, carrying spoils and tales of their raids on other villages along the coast. Your own father gave you beautiful white fur that belonged to a giant bear.

That was also when Jötunn disappeared to, you never saw your friend again after that day. It made you sad. . . But yet, as you aged into a fine young teen, you still sometimes find his footprints in the snow. Always leading from your home but never to your home. You did follow them once in a while, but never did he show himself. But one day, after many years, and once you became a woman, you decide to follow those prints once again out into the forest. Only this time you run into something warm and invisible. This time though, something crackles in the air and the cloak melts away from his body. For the first time ever you see Jötunn, a massive creature with a mask and an odd mouth. A monster but all rights. But you couldn't help but throw yourself into him, hugging him tight as you sobbed. Glad to finally meet your friend after all these years. You now know for sure your Jötunn still lives. He rests a massive hand on your back to comfort you, chirring softly at you many times as he did before. He pulls away and starts walking, looking over his shoulder at you with those strong eyes of his. You know he wants you to follow him and you have a feeling this would be forever. You don't hesitate to follow your friend one last time.

[sorcerous-caress]

Hihi! I just wanted to leave a message letting you know how much I enjoy the stuff you've written. Your human kink tag is probably one of my favorites on this website to be honest, I've read through it so many times (its hard to pick a favorite, but i think mine my be the one with Halsin and the human tav/companions), and i adore the way you write for karlach and shadowheart as well (shadowhearts not even really one of my favorites, but you write her in such a way i think she ended up getting bumped up my list of favorites). Just wanted to say thanks for all that ig!! 🍒

Halsin is one of my fav when it comes human kink because you can tell the man is humanity's number one cheerleader.

"The average elf sleeps with 10 humans a year," factoid actually just statistical error. The average elf sleeps with 0 humans per year. XxHumanzlover69xX Archdruid Halsin, who lives in a cave & sleeps with 10,000 humans each day, is an outlier and should not have been counted

The average elf also consumes 0 human porn per year. Meluidil, the goonerbrained high elf, is personally responsible of 90% of the high forest traffic to human porn sites.

Halsin screams human kink. While wood elves have the least degrading view on the homosapiens amongst all other elf kins who view us as less than bugs, they still remain pretentious in their own way of patting us on the head for not burning down our forests...this year.

Take Kagha, for example. She'd be damned if she let a mere human direct her ways. In comparison to her venom filled fangs, we are mere deer fawns, clumisly still learning how to walk without tripping over our own feet.

But Halsin? Our "pathetic nature" brings out the protective instincts in him whilst making him crave us insatiably. He wants a cute human or a dozen to take under his wings and show them the ways of the natural order. Properly teach them about harmony and the various pleasures the oak father blessed his creatures with.

Humans categorize themselves as animals after all, don't they? Halsin would find that notion too silly and adorable of us. Yet he can see it in our graceless ways, primal hormones, and short-sighted nature. Its makes him pity how we can't truly connect with nature like he does, since if we're a part of the gaint picture that is nature, we simply can't step away to view it whole like elves can. We merely live in our veiled and narrow corner of the painting.

Or this is all just elf propaganda. Tales Corellon spinned to make his children believe they're inherently superior so they don't go making half elves left and right and therefore make him lose his domain. Who knows?

It's just that Halsin took the "humans are lesser than you" message a little too personally, and now he sees it as his duty to care and protect humanity.

It doesn't hurt that we are very easy on the eyes and easy to coax to bed. Elves have all these courting rituals that take years at a time just for a kiss, it's so refreshing to just walk to a human and make his intentions known in a poetic line or two that has them sliding onto his lap and touching his pointy ears all curious and wide eyed.

It's not every day that you meet a big, strong elf that shatters your painted glass view of delicate elves. That makes your human hunger for knowledge and cat-like curiosity go haywire as you tiptoe around the subject to get information from him.

He thanks his orc ancestor every night for the many cute humans asking to touch his muscles after a drink or two.

Humans are new, refreshing and constantly inconsistent. From the most primal cutthroat ones that wrestle the control from Halsin to the softest adorable ones that sit on his lap and let him do all the work. We are as cunning as we are dumb.

It's the most intoxicating drug he has had. The more he sleeps with humans, the more he wants more. No two are the same.

Nothing gets him going than watching two humans drown in the pleasure with each other, bodies glistening with sweat as they chase after one another's mouth. Hungry and impatient, Clearly frustrated with their lungs' burning for air as they are forced to break the kiss. Watch a human make another bend over under them, a struggle of power filled with possessive bites, moans and curses. Like their own emptions and desires are too intese for their human brain to process so they need more, melting in greed as they push their bodies past their limit just to scratch the itch.

He wants to watch two humans exhaust each other into oblivion before he takes over. Be gentle and guide them through one more orgasm just for him, experiencing first hand just how unbreakable the human spirit truly is as they stubbornly refuse to stop and keep demanding more.

Followed by providing aftercare for the two of them as they cuddle against him. Looking so Innocent with their soft features as they sleep, trusting him to watch over and protect them.

Halsin's other top fantasy is having a human druid be his disciple. Clearly new in the ways of Oak father and yet so passionate and determined. Halsin would show blatant favouritism as he takes them personally on quests with him, have them tend to the plants in his chambers just before he gently lays them over his bed and claim them.

On another note, poly Halsin with human Tav who's with Gale, Wyll or Minsc is literally his wettest dream. He wants to take you and your human lover on dates before fucking you both to sleep.

He enjoys hanging around in a full party of humans and laughing at their adorable antics while tending to their every whim. Poor human forgot their food? Halsin has some berries in his pocket, open wide, and he'll feed them to you

Your legs are tired? Come here and he'll carry you, don't worry about his wandering hand squeezing your thighs and waist, marveling at how squishy the human body is in comparison to elves.

Bored? Sad? Anxious? He will turn into a cat and be your best friend for the rest of the day. Watch you squeel at how fluffy his fur is as you pet and coddle him, a complete 180 to how you were before, especially if you happened to be closed off to him.

He does find it hilarious how humans who are shy around him or suspicious immediately change their attitude when he wildshapes into an animal they deem cute. He knows they know it's still him inside but their instincts to cuddle everything fluffy wins over their pride and they throw themselves at him.

-

Thank you so much. I haven't written or posted on this blog in a long while, so most people who read my stuff just come and go silently while leaving likes. It's discouraging to know the author is absent when leaving a comment because they think we might never see it, but I promise we do. Yours made me very happy, and I'm grateful for it <3

[flyingpurplepeopleprogrammer]

CW: This is a genderkink post

So this whole, like, gender... thing.

I kink it on Tumblr, which means I see a lot of patriarchy and misogyny kink content. Patriarchy and misogyny are - horrifyingly - a nigh omnipresent reality. They permeate and sometimes define our lives. They're awful and taboo, so obviously I love twisting them around.

So let's pervert and distort an idea that I usually reject categorically: that men are the superior gender.

A person is not born as a man or a woman - even as male or female. Those categories, gender and sex, are social constructions that, while perfectly real, are arbitrary and unnatural.

You're probably already keenly aware - at least if you're already following this blog - of how a woman is manufactured: a creature, innocent and pure, is brought into the world and labelled. It is - whether kindly or cruelly - taught what it is and how it should feel until "it" becomes "she", a creature whose ultimate purpose is defined in terms of the man she is suborned to.

This is the part where I usually ask which of you deviant fucks were turned on by that.

It shouldn't surprise us that this whole construction of "sex" has - quite rightly - made a lot of people very angry widely and is regarded as a bad idea. Sure, it's also incredibly hot, but that's because we're all deeply fucked.

But let's turn our attention to men. Because men are not born, either. They're made.

The patterns after which most men and women seem to be modeled, of course, are sadly lacking. Even faithful reproductions of gender are littered with confusion, toxicity, and cruel dysfunction. Many men are raised to be emotional and domestic children. Many women to be practically helpless, and so practically useless.

You might embrace this absurdity, and fantasize about submitting to a the pathetic caricatures of masculinity we see in today's media, but I think, if you do that, you've missed out. You've mistaken a man for a patriarch.

Some men - Nice, Good Men - are proper patriarchs. Not only gifted with incredible privilege, they have been taught not to squander it. The patriarch understands what kind of objects the people - men and women around him - are, and treats them appropriately. He isn't one of your manchildren. He is something wiser, stronger, and better. Everything about patriarchy is shaped around him.

That's why your natural urge, if you have been indoctrinated into patriarchy, is to find a Nice Man and worship.

When you're slipping into your impossible fetish and dreaming of serving a superior Man, dream of a Patriarch: a Good Man who will understand what you are, and support you in your role, and a Nice Man who will be emotionally aware enough to listen and understand your feelings, then bend them back into their proper place.

You'll be happier, and better yet, it will be real.

Patriarchy - for better or worse - is real, and you - for better or worse - are all tangled up in patriarchy and the value systems that come with it.

You - for better or worse - really can imagine the kind of man that is simply, rightly, inherently better. So be a good girl and fuck the patriarchy.

Isn't that what a woman is for?

(PS: Brought to you by my ruminations on this post.)

[storkmuffin]

turns out I do have a yunho thought, cuz the 'golden retriever' title has been bugging me for a while. I'm not a dog person at all but even I know that goldens are kind of known for being stupid and yunho is Not. he has too much little shit energy to be a believable himbo. A border collie perhaps? but he isn't suuuper actively sporty as far as I know.

this also leads me to a different question, do you agree with the animal representatives they all chose or are there any you'd think would suit different ones?

We split faces into two categories (dogs vs cats) and sometimes three (dogs vs cats vs foxes). The categorization of Yunho as a "golden retriever" is more about what he looks like, rather than whether he has a lot in common with the actual breed, Golden Retriever. I did not know for example that Golden Retrievers were dumb - my general information about them is that they are big, they are pretty, they smile a lot, and they're very friendly to people because they like it when people like them.

For an example of a girl 'golden retriever', look at the below video at 0:21, where a member of Ive is described as having 'the facial features of a golden retriever' and they do a side by side comparison.

As for the Aniteez creatures they chose? To have a really boring take on this: I think they were limited in the types of animals they could choose for themselves, for the sake of mass production. Below are the creatures for Stray Kids, Ateez, Tomorrow x Together, and Riize.

I suspect these are just tweaks on the same design mold as per the tastes and capacity of the product design and planning team at each company that the manufacturing facilities make available. The weirdest one is the center first line one from Riize, followed by Dwekki representing Changbin, but even the rock creature is a variation on the penguin design, and the Dwekki is rabbit mold with very tweaked features.

Would I choose different ones for the Ateez guys? Some of them, but mostly based on facial phenotypes, rather than characteristics of the animal. I don't understand why Seonghwa is a rabbit, for example, when I do understand why Lee Know of Stray Kids is one. Seonghwa's appearance is more fawn/ deer to me. I think San is not a cat face type so much as a fox face type (like I.N. of Stray Kids.) No comment on Mingi to avoid controversy, except to say Mingi is super handsome and I wish his doll thingy was cuter. I just find that particular design for that baby chick isn't the prettiest.

[tyrantisterror]

A couple months ago, one of the kids at the daycare brought in a D&D starter set and asked me to DM a game for him and some of the other kids in my class. Now, I had considered doing this in the past, but written it off for a variety of reasons, mainly asusming it'd be a couple days of chaos before the kids get sick of all the math involved and lose interest. But if a kid broaches an idea and others seem on board, I feel it's kind of my duty to at least try it.

So far my assumptions have been... mostly correct? Like, 70% of my predictions have come true, it is chaos, ten-years olds are the most murder-happy murder hobo PCs you could possibly imagine, and they've really been pushing my improv skills to their absolute limits with the choices they've made (and the constrictions I have on me as a daycare teacher). But they haven't gotten bored with the math, and they absolutely love playing the game still, which is nice. I like it when my students are passionate about something.

Anyway, I bring this up because seeing how children play with D&D canon has made me realize one critical fact:

D&D needs a Mons Game spinoff.

Kids love monsters. This is not my bias, it is something that has been categorically proven to me in my four years of working at a daycare. Every kid loves the idea of weird, impossible creatures, and they love the idea of befriending a whole horde of those creatures even more so. One of my kids in the daycare D&D campaign is making it his goal to find and tame every monster he can find in the kid-friendly monster manuals I bought for the class. He wants a Tarasque and a Bullete and an Owlbear and on and on and on, and keeps proposing tactics for capturing them based on his time playing Ark: Survival Evolved, a game where you can tame dinosaurs and mythic beasts while trying to survive a wild world full of danger and obstacles.

And it turns out that, while the mechanics of D&D don't support this, the philosophy of how its settings are structured according to those mechanics does. D&D is filled with hundreds of wild and imaginative monsters, all with distinct appearances, habits, adaptations, and environmental needs. The need to make the "dungeons" part of D&D interesting has required it to build really interesting monster ecosystems, and, much like mons games, the need to keep players buying new content has resulted in them building a vast library of creatures, because selling $50 books containing a slew of new monsters is a pretty guaranteed way to get money. D&D may not be a mons game, but it's accidentally made its setting perfectly suited to be one.

And what a money-maker that would be! Skew it more towards a child audience in tone, use simpler mechanics so kids can hop into it without spending, say, three solid weeks of afterschool daycare time crafting character sheets more or less one on one, and you'd have a game that would easily hook a younger audience while planting seeds of interest into the bigger game.

Of course, there are already indie TTRPG mons games, and I imagine some of them are actually good, but unfortunately they're not exactly easily obtainable on a daycare teacher's budget. And, you know, they wouldn't let you make a team of a bulette, an otyugh, a gray render, and an owlbear.

But then again, Wizards of the Coast continues to be absolute bastards, so maybe this idea is too good for them. Which makes it a good thing they're never going to read this blog post.

[eatsbooks]

#his opinions on lesser fae however … .. ……

How do you think that would differ from his outlook on females?

see i just think it's a much, much tougher sell for him. eris views a lot of things in terms of power. actually probably everything. he knows that a female could ostensibly be his equivalent in power. not even like magical abilities power necessarily but something like political capital or social standing sort of power. that makes sense to him. i think part of him even wants the opportunity to push back against what he's been indoctrinated in and perpetuates against females. he has seen his mother suffer and does not want that for her, he knows how his mother feels about his and his brothers' treatment of females, etc. it is just all that he knows — but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t be open to changing his mind.

the issue with lesser fae and especially humans is... there's really no way to get him to see them as an equal in any sense. he is more powerful not only as high fae but as a future high lord. he is also more powerful because a lesser fae (or human) is never going to ascend to the political heights he already has. (even rhysand, i think eris genuinely looked down upon for being a half-illyrian heir, at least until rhysand proved his power.) psure i said it before somewhere but eris very much views humans the way he might any forest creature. he does not want harm to actively befall them — he even wants good for them and will step in to protect them if possible — but he isn't doing that because he sees them as equal in any way. like he is just never going to see a prey animal as his equivalent. lesser fae are perhaps not quite this level for him because they're at least fae, but ... they are lesser than him, as a fact.

to make it about azris — even when eris lets azriel in and falls for him, that has nothing to do with seeing illyrians in a better light. that is about seeing azriel, the person, as an equal to him, largely for azriel's cunning and strategy and intellect and uniqueness and immense power. but his stance on illyrians changes very little, if not for the worse once he realizes the extent of harm perpetrated against azriel by them. i imagine he just kind of separates azriel from illyrians entirely in his head — if he hasn't already because azriel is a shadowsinger foremost to him. he probably has quite a few fuck ups talking about illyrians in front of and to azriel even after they love each other. of course, the issue there is azriel canonically hates illyrians more than eris and views himself as separate from them, so he would be genuinely happy / relieved to be categorized differently. so he would never push back. annnyway. i digress

[leonenjoyer69]

ELIAS WRIGHT MASTERLIST:

This is gonna be a mostly comprehensive collection of (basically) everything posted on Elias, from lore and fics to my art, as well as other people's art :3 Also gonna have other characters from the Lanyon Takes the Potion AU in general, like Mind Jekyll :3

ELIAS AND HYDE DTIYS - NO TIME LIMIT

MY ART:

MINDSCAPE OUTFIT REF SHEET

-----(AND UNCOLORED VERSION)

NORMAL OUTFIT REF SHEET (AND SOME DOODLES

------(ORIGINAL NON-COLORPICKABLE VERSION)

MIND JEKYLL REF SHEET

MIND JEKYLL AND ELIAS DANCING

DOODLE DUMP (MODERN ELIAS)

DOODLE DUMP (WET CAT LOOKIN MF, SUGGESTIVE UNDE CUT)

RULER OF EVERYTHING

THE WORLD IS UGLY (FLUSTERED HYDE HEHE)

(SUGGESTIVE?) OPEN SHIRT

(SUGGESTIVE) UM.. OPEN SHIRT?

HAIR TIED BACK WITH HAT

DOODLE DUMP (WITH HARRY)

TRANSFORMATION SCENE

ELIAS BOTHERING LANYON

---ugly era (I'm sorry buddy </3)---

(OLD) ORIGINAL REFERENCE

(OLD) HAND HOLDING

(OLD) KISS

(OLD) SIDE PROFILES

(OLD) DIGITAL :[

(OLD) COLORS ARE HARD

(OLD) LEANING ON TABLE

(OLD) LEANING ON TABLE, AGAIN

(OLD) TINY DOODLES

LORE/ASK ANSWERS:

BALLROOM POEM

FACIAL DIFFERENCES W/ LANYON

MINDSCAPE, MIND JEKYLL

MINDSCAPE

HARRY AND ELIAS HCS (WITH HEIGHT CHART)

HOW WOULD HARRY AND ELIAS INTERACT?

ANGSTY HCS

ELIAS WITH THE LODGERS

AU RAMBLINGS

MORE RAMBLINGS/HCS

FRECKLES?

---silly ones---

HE WAS A FIREFLY FAIRY

ELIAS WRONG

COFFEE BEANS

FIREFLY

MIND ELIAS MEMES

VOICE HC

WHAT CANDIES EVERYONE WOULD LIKE

EXTRA THINGS IDK HOW TO CATEGORIZE:

PLAYLIST

ACCIDENTALLY GASLIGHTING THE FANDOM TO BELIEVE HE'S REAL

FAN ART:

(some of these are currently empty bc the art hasn't been posted, and may not be, but all these wonderful people HAVE drawn things and shared them with me so they're getting credit, god dammit, THANK YOU ALL SM IT LITERALLY MEANS THE WORLD TO ME :D (if any of you wanna be removed tho just tell me :3))

@mx-hyperfixation

----DTIYS ENTRY

[ISA] @henryjekyllsreppressedsexuality

----MEMES HEHE

[MINT] @dustmint

----SILLY MEMES AND DOODLES

[PHANTOM] @phantom-dancing

----LIL MINDSCAPE GUY

[KAT] @kayatoastkkat

----MINDSCAPE BOI :3

[FIGHTER] @yourfavouritefighter

----MINDSCAPE POCKETWATCH BOY

----MENTAL HOPITAL :(

[ARSIE] @arsieu

----SITTING GAYLY

[PYRO] Pyrofoxpro309 on Instagram

[CAS] @saltypuppygentlemen

----DTIYS ENTRY :D

[ACE] @ace0frankie

[ALEX] @opossumking69 (I saw that Elias WIP on your story..)

[CLOVER] @cloverhasabomb

----MINDSCAPE BOI IS LOST

[TONEJO] @tonejo4ever

[NECROMANCER] @n3cr0m-nc3r

----LIFE OR BATH FOR EDWARD

----ELIAS AND JEANETTE

[NYX] @nightgalaxy24

----GOUACHE

----CREATURES

[MAGICALMO] @magicalmo

----MMM, COOKIE

IF I MISSED ANYONE THAT MADE FAN ART, PLZ TELL ME

FICS:

A LITTLE IDENTITY NEVER HURT NOBODY (MAIN FIC)

Masterlist last updated: 6/26/24